We Choose Our Culture, Now Let's Choose Our Kids

Many years ago, when I was taking a "Women's Issues" course in college, we began a discussion in class regarding the effects of women entering the workplace. Students were debating past inequalities that women face and current ones. They discussed how much the so-called "women's liberation" movement changed the world for the better. This seemed all good, but also idealistic and immature. There are issues that run deeper than just women being free to choose their own life, which is incredibly important.



After listening intently for about 30 minutes, I decided to add my thoughts to the classroom conversation. I explained there was an overlooked issue on hand, a side effect so to speak. When women began working commonly and in full-time positions, the American married household changed the economy as well. We became dependent on two income families. Our babies were sent off to daycare. There was a jumping off the pier with little thought to the repercussions of our actions, regardless of how good-intended and necessary. My opinion made me extremely unpopular in class, yet no one actually thought about what I said.

Before you get mad, panic, and decide you hate me, allow me to elaborate. Typically, both parents work and send their little ones to daycare until they are school age. Some couples choose to have one parent stay at home for several years, and resume work once the children are older. There are many options, however, some do not have the luxury of choosing. Many parents have no choice financially but to send their babies to daycare. This is the tragedy in the equation. There are also parents who have worked extremely hard for years to achieve a certain level within their profession, which makes leaving an unreasonable sacrifice.

It's incredible sad to think that parents today must face the question of do I give up an amazing position within my career to take several years off? We can't afford for one of us to stay at home, so what daycare do we place our baby in? Many parents describe the feeling of leaving a young child at a daycare every morning as extremely painful, even making it difficult to function at work due to distraction. So we have "chosen" our culture. Can't we choose better?

There are companies popping up (just a few) in the country that have "built-in" child care centers for their employee's children to attend while the parent is at work, down the hall. This is awesome! You can spend breaks and lunch with your child, they know you're not far from them. This is so important in their development, to have closeness in the first few years, with their parents. Not long days of separation, with strangers, sometimes a different person every day. It occurred to me that we can, as a culture, CHOOSE this. Demand this. Expect this from our employers. More options in the first years of our child's life. The government has a place in this as well. Maternity and paternity leave should be longer, with the government pitching in to help with wages and other issues. It should at least be an option.

According to a USA TODAY article, the U.S. norm is three months maternity leave with no pay. Terrible. They give an example of a man and woman who are each taking 16 months off to be with their child. They get 80% pay by law. Yes, I know there is socialism and then there is the American democracy. Yet why do we have to sacrifice what is so incredibly important for the sake of avoiding a label?

According to a New York Times article:

In Germany, you're allowed 14 weeks of paid leave (full pay)
In Norway, you're allowed 42 weeks of full pay, paid leave
Sweden provides 96 weeks, "only" 78 of those weeks are provided with 80% of your pay
France allows 16 weeks of fully paid maternity leave, more if you have additional children
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/23/news/23iht-radviser_ed3_.html

Here in the U.S. we just stick to our way of doing it on our own. We don't want to become victims of anything resembling socialism or communism. We have become so fearful of those two categories, that we place ourselves repeatedly into situations of suffering. How is this effecting our children?

Regardless of any one particular opinion or study, I am adamant that our babies need their mother or father to be their caregiver until they are school age. I realize that is often impossible due to single parent households, financial needs, and other factors. Yet I am compelled to stand up and scream "WHY AREN'T WE DOING SOMETHING?!" We should all use our voices to promote healthier work environments with child care options, more flexible work schedules, and parents who work hard at their marriages to stick by each other rather than toss in the towel because it got rough for a bit. I believe we are just now going to see the results of young children (now adults) and the effect being "raised" in a daycare had on them. As these individuals begin to enter the world as adults, ramifications will surface.


Are we as a culture becoming compulsive, detached, depressed, defeatist? Maybe so.

A Psychology Today article by Heide Lang had somewhat shocking information:

"It could be the greatest social experiment of our time, in which millions of parents are unwitting participants.

So says Stanley Greenspan, George Washington University child psychiatrist, about the current state of day care. In just 25 years, American families have been radically restructured as the number of women in the workforce has nearly doubled. Instead of parents providing early child care, it is outsourced to virtual strangers. An estimated 12 million American infants, toddlers and preschoolers—more than half of children in this age group—attend day care. The majority of these kids spend close to 40 hours per week in day care; many start when they are only weeks old.

The raging debates around maternal guilt, work/family balance, money and childrearing often drown out scientific insights into the developmental impact of day care. But the latest findings, from a huge, long-term government study, are worrisome. They show that kids who spend long hours in day care have behavior problems that persist well into elementary school. About 26 percent of children who spend more than 45 hours per week in day care go on to have serious behavior problems at kindergarten age. In contrast, only 10 percent of kids who spend less than 10 hours per week have equivalent problems."


That is pretty shocking, but it makes sense. What do we do? The only thing we can do it take action. Place pressure on our representatives to initiate legislation to improve maternity and paternity leave, choose to stay at home with your child(ren), find ways to cut costs to make it happen. Make a choice: to have children and all that entails or no children and maintain your current lifestyle.

When did having children and caring for them become about us and not them?

They need more than just mom and dad's paycheck.

Sorry for the rant, but this issue continually gets swept under the political run. No one wants to talk about it, or face it. Yet I bet if you ask any parent of a baby, they despise going to work every morning.

Sources:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-07-26-maternity-leave_x.htm
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200505/the-trouble-day-care
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,964729,00.html